Four Things

do no let your mind forget the lies you tell yourself
to help you fall asleep with the lights on. bring them
back around when things are looking up.
trust me, girl, you cannot afford to feel
better. you’re not cut out for it.
so keep those lies, like...

for instance.

number one: you are made of steel and nothing
can crack your skin. dare someone to try
but do not stick around to see what happens.

number two: you can fight off the sharks
that smell your blood. you have lost your sense
of vulnerability and you hit hard.

number three: you don’t need a single thing
from a single person. you are comfortable in your
emptiness. stay there. like it.

number four: your pumps are your best defense.
put them on and you are six-foot-fifty
and you don’t give a damn about nothin’.

in truth, they are not always lies. there are parts of you
that steel has kissed and you have survived.
iron rubs off on skin and can be contagious, so yes,
you are made of metal here and there.
and you bleed a hell of a lot, so you are used
to sharks swimming around your ankles. you have made
friends with most of them, and they have shared their secrets
with you. you do hit pretty hard, but it is not the sharks
you need to worry about. it is the leeches
you should fear. and yes, you have used your
emptiness as a shield and your pumps as swords
for a good long while.

but it is possible that the walls are crumbling now.
perhaps it is time to try lulling yourself to sleep
with a few truths.

for instance.

number one: your skin is mostly made of cream.
steel is brave, but cream is lighter to the touch.
plus, it tastes better.

number two: there is no need to fight off the sharks.
you are one of them now. swim in the sea
and let your hair grow long.

number three: forget need. want instead.
want ferociously and fearlessly and
let yourself be wanted back.

number four: keep the pumps. wear them out.
keep walking tall but do not lose sight of the ground.
start giving a damn or two. cross your fingers.

so try turning the lights out. close your eyes
and let yourself be afraid. let the anger you have
clenched like a curse wash over your back
and let it remold you into something
mobile. break your paralysis.
stop lying to yourself.
you can afford to feel a thousand things
before stumbling. you are cut out
for greater things
than you think.