31.

My old rival Shame
sits closely in my skin
and peers out through my eyes
and holds my fingers from the inside.

"Listen, listen here," she says
"I told you. Didn't I tell you?"

She creeps down in my shoes
and moves my feet
when I'm not careful
And even when I am,
even when I watch and wait,
I'll glimpse a shadowed leg,
turn my head to catch
a scaled backbone
rounding the corner

And I will say, "Hello? ...Is that you?"

And she says, "Yes, my pretty girl.
I am here."
and all goes quiet.

I'd like to sit and have a cup of tea with her,
but I am afraid
of what she might look like
in the light

For I have felt her serpent fingers
gently coil around my throat
and I have heard a hissing sound
within my ribcage
(and I suspect it is Her)

Her temper spans deserts
kicks up windstorms
stings my eyes
holds me down
and I am buried in a dune again
relieved of the burden
of breathing.

And when I lay me down to sleep,
she curls inside the bedclothes
holds me from behind
and whispers
"Do you remember?
Oh, don't you remember?"

She shields me from unwanted light
helps me keep my wits about me
reminds me of important things
(like how my legs feel
when they're spread wide open)
ugly things I've shared with her in confidence
She is smarter than I am, you see
and cunning

I want to tell her that I love her
that everything is safe now
that she can come out now
from the shadows
if she wants

But when I try to find her
she moans a low and angry sound
grows bigger, darker
Thunderheads roll down Her arms
Sheets of rain hurl from Her back
and She booms,
"Remember?
Oh, don't you remember?"

and I remember
why I always
let her speak
for me