I'm talking to myself and we're at the point where all I can really think to do is stay in my room today, and I am trying to decide whether that is a good or bad thing. I have twinkle lights in here and the window is open, so that's something. It's just that I can't see straight, that my head is all spun out and talking only makes it worse. Going outside means questions and hellos, and I'd rather not chance it. I'd rather stay inside and dream about picking apples and knitting sweaters, and fire crackling in a hearth in someone else's house somewhere. It's summer here, but I like the cold better. So I put the air conditioner on high. And all I can really think to do is stay in my bed, because standing up means dizziness and back aches and I'd rather not chance it. I'd rather stay inside and keep repeating myself. Someday it will be time to dance with someone under canopies, to sleep through the night and make promises and feel all right most of the time. But for now it's time just to wait for rain to fall through the leaves outside my window.