Get Behind Me

you gold dust woman, you hateful thing
you stretched your tendril tentacles into my life
wrapped your sting around the wrinkles of my brain
and set your poison deep inside

and we never even meant a thing
no we never even meant a thing

(isn’t that right, darling?)

do you remember?
the time you said goodbye to me, goodbye
goodbye back to you, gold dust woman
with your ink blackness lurking in the background
you think you own me

I promise you, we never even meant a thing.

did you want to remind me?
was that what you wanted?
to pick me up and throw me around again,
to bring your stink back to me, to fold me up?

“I’m still here”
you say
“I’m still here”

and I
do
not
want
you

no one asked you to come
not now, not now

get back, you gold dust woman, you shapeless form
you fancy yourself a seductress
but all I see is soiled sheets and bloody napkins
you brought me in, you thought, you brought me
and I left, I left, I left, I left, I left

but was that too much for you, sweetie?
because you knew, yes, I was the best thing you ever had
your broken kneecaps won’t find the warmth I gave you
in those other thousand mouths you’ve kissed

everywhere I turn,
everywhere I turn
I see another one

have you seen the mirror, little girl?
do you look inside and find disgust and twisted hair?
feeble attempts at reconciliation?
is that what you tell yourself?
is that how you sleep at night?

well, whatever helps.

I want you to remember what I told you
those nights, when no one else would hold you
I want you to recoil in your glorious misery when you remember
how I asked you for your secrets
how I begged you for your ugly parts
how I wanted you so badly
not just all the pretty yellow boots you give the others
but the bathtub tragedies you never say out loud
the heaving sorrow you stuffed back down
the words that cut your arms like straight razors
the men that scarred you
the hands that beat you
the hopes that died deep in your breast
I loved you
I loved you
and you
said
no

well now I’m saying no, you pretty little Jezebel
I’m walking out like you did
doesn’t it seem familiar?

back off, gold dust woman.
I am free of you.