A Mild But Unrequited Ache

dreary, dreary
I have been all cigarette-toothed
and smiling at you, and
I have been a fool

I have been waiting
for your eyes to send sparks
through my skin
and electrify
the sweat on my hips

(and you say I am worth
 painting, me with my
 soot-caked soles)

but dreary, the dust
has settled
and I have found you
out

so the day looks dark
sunbeams seeming
like moonlight under the clouds
streaming reminders
of histrionic histories I tried
to eclipse, but

even still
I made a promise

woven circles into my wrists
silver vows that I would
never
again smash
under a stranger's hands

(and you
 have done nothing
 so terrible to me, you
 are no criminal

 the only hurt here
 is a mild but unrequited
 ache)

so I will not remain
love-stained
today, no
I will open under the
moonlit sun and blossom
for myself this time

only for myself this time

because I am ready
to love me more
than I loved
loving you