103.

Something went sick with us. It was always wilting and curling brown, but the bottom fell out sooner than I had expected. I saw sparkling into tens and twenties of years in the future, and I had no idea how wrong I was. Love is something with spikes that you put down your throat. Time repeats. Time repeats itself. I have given myself over and I have given myself over and over again. I am done with being done. I am looking for something cleaner than you. I am breathing my own breath now, never yours.

(leverage)

I suppose you were always leverage. Something from which I could spring to the next level. A tool. I was always unfair, we were always unfair. You were always used up. I sucked you down and moved on. This was never what we wanted it to be. You were the next step on the staircase, and I climbed you with muddy shoes. I should have walked softer. I should have, I should have. I should have done many things.

(composed in 60 seconds at oneword.com)

(higher)

I wish I were
higher
on some celestial plane or
a platform somewhere between
clouds and blue

sky, I wish I were
higher

I wish I could reach
tree tops, skyscrapers
I wish I could float beyond
this mire and roil
I wish I could scream

louder, I wish I were
higher

(composed in 60 seconds at oneword.com)

(both)

both toxic and radioactive you are
cleansing in your destruction
break me down
at the molecular level, rebuild
me into something chrome
solid and white hot
something cruel
and beautiful

(composed in 60 seconds at oneword.com)

(under)

you will be under
neath and you will not
breathe
air again for minutes

and minutes trail months into
years and you will
think you see a crack
of light but you will not

under water and burlap
under mud and ice and
shovels under
neath and you will not
breathe

(composed in 60 seconds at oneword.com)

This Is What It Is Like To Love Me

this is what it is like to love me:
I will push you harder
than I push anyone else
because I am afraid of you
and shoving you through the door
is better than you walking out

this is what it is like to love me:
my hands will shake as they reach for you
but I will feign disinterest
I will be cold to you
because I have to slow my heartbeat somehow
and you are so warm already

this is what it is like to love me:
you will be pedestal-high and shining
paper monuments will sing your name
I will thank you and follow you
but I will mistrust you and grow nervous
if you do the same for me

this is what it is like to love me:
I will need so much from you
I will suck the sap from your bones
and weep for your ruin
I am too large and unwieldy
I cannot be held

this is what it is like to love me:
I will not be safe or kind or soothing
I am all rough kisses and cigarette smoke
and getting drunk enough to tell you
how wonderfully uneasy you make me feel
you should know that I will hurt you

this is what it is like to love me:
you will lose yourself in some idea of me
I have been made into a hundred shapes before
and I can see the way you look at me
you think I have something worth giving
and you want it

the truth is that my arms are empty
and if this is what it is like to love me
then you should save yourself the trouble
and leave now, no matter
how many times
I ask you
to stay

102.

all I want is to open my mouth
and tell you all the ways I want to kiss you
but the words taste so much sweeter
just before I let them out
so I will keep them beneath my tongue
until they sour, or until you cannot
bear to wait any longer
for the sound of my voice

and I have kissed you fifty times
below your collar bone, between
your eyebrows, in public places and private
all without moving an actual inch
toward your body

my eyelashes will dart in your direction
and give me away, and when I blush and avoid you
because my family is looking or because
you know me so well already
you should remember that I am kissing you
in my mind, and were I a stronger woman
I would tell you the truth
for once