149.

I will lay soil all along the carpets and turn on all the lights in the house
because the twilight is blue outside my window and I am a mess
with only halves of words in my head

I have visions of myself covered in moss
walking on cracked twigs somewhere no one has heard my voice
and even here, I cannot see my fingers

I think something is wrong.
can't you just buy one or two cigarettes? why a whole pack?
I've still got a corner of clean lung to blacken but I don't need a whole pack for that

I like to imagine warm dirt tasting clean, though
that maybe swallowing some could help me feel older in a good way
and there is a whole bed of it waiting for me someplace

I just need some peace and quiet and a break from this silence
with everything pushing at my ears from the inside

I just need to crack some bones open, mine or yours
either way it might wake me up