Forgotten

the sun goes down so quickly these days
there is something safer under the moon
the sun is too loud, music is too bright
I have become a shadow myself

and I have preached a thousand sermons
on how it is easier to sit in the darkness
than adjust to the light of day
but I cannot open my own eyes

that is my greatest secret
I whisper it to myself when I am alone
protect it and hate it and nurture it
I have even forgotten how to pray

and I push so hard at the people I love
and I dare them to leave me and I wait
to be proven right, as if the validation
will cure any hope I had left

I do not blame you for getting tired
of watching me fall against the pavement
you would think I could pick myself up by now
instead, I embrace the concrete like an old friend

I suppose I have un-learned an important skill
over the years, and I cannot remember what it is

the sensation is something akin to drowning
and having forgotten which direction to swim for air