How To Start Again

get in touch with that feet-in-the-mud
feeling, that fist-against-mirror hard sting again
remind yourself what it is to ignite
to brawl and to crash and to embrace
and to write it all down

bring fresh flowers into your study
bring dead insects and bottle caps
the empty smoke bombs he left in the yard
and you found them like fairy treasure the next day
before you knew what was under his skin

and then remember what was under his skin
what you felt when he scraped himself into you
how livid you were, how purple-cheeked
bring the bile back up your throat
and then write it all down

get in touch with your whiskey-drenched nights
only leave the whiskey out this time
get in touch with what you hated
and what you craved, what you choked on
the things you've put in drawers by now

remind yourself what they tasted like
what it was to be miserable and ecstatic
collect your wildfires and your chest pains
the pieces of you that ache and dream
carve a space for them

keep them sacred, give them air
nurture your hunger and your terror
cultivate your joy and do not forget your hate
get in touch with what has been simmering in your gut
dig into the earth of yourself again

and whatever you do
you must write it all down