This Is What You Get

this is what you get
for braiding your life
into someone else’s:
stale bread from his house
hearing about his love life
owing him money
waiting for things to change
like you have been
for the past half-year

this is what you get:
something like heartbreak
but you cannot call it that
you are not allowed
because you are the one
who said goodbye first

this is what you get
for hoping hard enough:
a ring you never wear these days
trinkets that fall from your purse
gift certificates you cannot use
as well as the desperate desire
for his family
not to hate you

this is what you get:
no broken bones
no ruptured vessels
no black eyes
nothing on your skin
to mark the pain you felt
nothing to show his friends
nothing to prove

this is what you get
for choosing a person who chose
himself over you again
and again:
scars, and no one
to hold you