I have your name written inside my eyelids, so that it flickers in my field of vision every time I blink, a subliminal flash of something sweet cut into a film reel. I don't know if you've done the same with mine. But I made this playlist for you, and it has some Radiohead on it, and some Bon Iver, and if I could make songs out of lilac petals or write them with the water in my mouth I would, and I would sing them to you and put them on vinyl and we would listen to them while we sway in the hammock in your backyard. Or while you sit on the swing in my garden, and the light comes in dapples on the leaves and on your feet. I know my lips are crooked and I know I push too hard. I want what I want what I want what I want. But. I can wait. Or I can give up. I can do whatever you need me to do. Even if it's leave.