14.

Bare feet against carpet, this bed in front of me is lifeless
Empty of bodies, the sauna steam that you still smell in your sheets
And mine is just plain, just plain.
Coldish bright and silent.
Yours had noise
Yours had all those softsweet secrets we wrote on the mattress,
Stitched into the fabric with mingled wisps of blood and thread
Now I stand all washed clean of you and bland.

Electric wires that we braided up my neck still send tiny shocks
Every few seconds, every time I read your words
Fighting hard to shake the mist of three days past from my face
And oh, I’m failing, failing
(And I’m smiling, smiling)
Watching shadows of you dance across my skin as I order my coffee,
As I brush my teeth and pass the TV
Who cares? you said and I must say I quite agree.

We turned our fear and pain into blurs outside the window
Of the cozy bullet train we boarded
Night-black steel and streamlined, our name across the front
And we wrapped up in constellation blankets and we drank cocoa
Your skin inside the roof of my mouth
My mind was all mountain slopes down your back in the bathtub
The ring of autumn orange I saw in your eyes
All shoulder blades and whispered gasps and peach fuzz.

What’s left, my dirty towels
A bed stands passive at my feet with you not hidden in it.
In the meantime, I can mold a pillow into arms like yours
And write some verses in my head that sound a little bit like
You painting my name on my lips with your fingers.
I can hear your footsteps coming.
Flower petals sleeping until spring,
I’ll wait here, I’ll wait here.