The Plea

your toothy lamp smile
is fading
from me

as i lay
my fingers tremble
for your curvesoft
legs
hips
back
neck

to twist up
in your
black cyclone hair
(the net that caught me)

and i hate that
word
(you know the one)
because it sits between us
like a mockingbird
and territorial

i hate that
word
that too-small joking word
i would rather use
my paintbrush
to stroke
a canvas-full of something
far greater
than
it

i would rather say
barefooted nymph
padding grassy tree-growings
blossoms in your hair
plucking the lyre
i made for you

i would rather say
ribbon sea creature
body twisting with the waves
hair to your fin-tip
casting ripples
over me

i would rather say
hidden under sheets
wound into you-me-us
with fjords and opera houses and ruins
through our windows
wire bed frame
mingled languages
towers of books
like we always
imagined.

not a word
never a word

but such
deeper
truths

such sweeter fruit
more solemn
and spanning oceans

and i am filling
jumbled
crossed leftright
wantingbegging
hopeless pacing why
why and why
is this less
than what you wanted
searchinggraspingtear-filled
heart swell


(like you,
i want
too much)


and
i
breathe
eyes drift down
to fade into
the imprint you’ve left
of your
black cyclone hair
and
spider web fingers
and
your toothy lamp smile

and
all that’s left
is:

i adore you.
please come back.
i can give you the whole sky.

Cigarette

the way you held
that cigarette
(today)

like the rose bud
that is unfurling
petal
by
petal

like the pen
that bleeds
you
(into paper)

like a piece of me
(or how i hope
your lips
would hold
mine)

smoke
growing like vines
from your crooked teeth
and sinking
into my clothes

i want to bury myself in the sand of you

i want to grow my hair long
and braid it into yours

Gifts

maybe all i
have
to give
is
a tangle of
black
and
white
words on
this page

perhaps
i should cook
(like he said)
or do laundry

but
in the deepdown
mud of me

i want to give
what i
need

and how
would i hand
a wind kiss on my shoulder
the green of a leaf
to you?

the blue in my fingernails
or a laugh on her red lips?
i could make bracelets
or spread
me
around
(if that’s
enough)

i suppose
i should
ask
what you need
first.

Love

carefully
…and slow

i would say
love

those poisonous four letters
that instantly
erode
green-chute couples

i would say
love
is it too soon?

no.

no, in love
or
love
and loving
her
is all at once
in me

and i can’t count
all the ways i love
in the stars
(even if i could count so high)

so this
is
one

one star
one heartbeat
one four letters
(one sadsweet too-small poem)

one one one
love

and dare i say
i love her

she would
run

but
i feel a love
that swims into the channels
woven in my chest
i feel a love
growing in my hair
i feel a love
that ribbon-ties our hands
and breathes into that
fuzzy place
behind her neck

i will not be her
construction paper valentine
nor will she be mine
and I Love You
between stiff greeting folds
will never do

but there is a secret
hidden in her mouth
and when i see her speak
i feel it

Out

take me out
in the cold
alone Night

bright star speckles
silent
and Time slowed
to still water

sit beside me
but don’t touch

let the black
bleed between us
blindfold our eyes
leak into our lungs

take me out
to smoke and diminish
into frosted grass blades

hold the scent of me
in your mouth
and blow it through your teeth

look at my
eyelashes
(and don’t

speak)



quiet drift
along the
breezeless air

fold yourself
inside
and wait
for nothing to happen

take me out
in the cold
alone Night

and don’t ask me
why

19.

but I um…
what
beauty oh, okay
sure beauty sure
you just um…
what
you just know it
(don’t you)
won’t get
better for me will it
will it always it will
be just um…
what
a struggle for me
won’t it
every day in day out
lovely you said lovely
yeah okay sure

18.

Written here on skin
Does that make it more
Well what does it make it

Truer here on skin
Am I better believed
If I use a needle instead

You know, you know this
Is all just fill-in-the-blank
For your own bullshit